Ep 63 – The Coffee

Written by on April 2, 2014

Tom Perry explains what it means to be a real man and how to go black but never go back. Sorta.

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  1. Polly Anna   On   April 2, 2014 at 1:38 pm

    Apostate Trophy! Ha ha ha. You’e so funny, Tom! I hadn’t heard that before, but I really like it and I’m gonna start using it.
    Throughout the podcast I was going back and forth between thinking “So funny!” and “You’re such a dork!”
    It’s interesting to me to note that with other ex-mo friends, they and I have all describe taking our first sip of contraband as “losing our virginity.” It must be a universal feeling. For me I had to fly half way around the world to feel far enough away, safe enough, and brave enough to do the deed. It was definitely a big deal for me too, and I love that this podcast captures the anxiety and excitement. Never-mos can’t understand what the big deal is, but it really is a big event for us former TBMs. There is so much meaning and emotion is wrapped up in it. For me It was very much symbolic of me finally admitting I was done with the church and not coming back. It was kinds like, “Okay, this is it. There is no turning back now.” Do you know what I mean?
    I also really like how you did a Mormon style whisper prompt for your child at the end. It was giving me flash backs to primary sacrament meetings. That was always my favorite Sunday! Very cute!

    • Tom Perry   On   April 4, 2014 at 4:13 am

      So glad I made you laugh Polly Anna, but you thinking I’m a dork totally made my day. 🙂

      • Polly Anna   On   April 5, 2014 at 1:09 pm

        You have to admit you were a little over the top. “Black gold!?” Your expectations really couldn’t have been that high, could they?

      • Tom Perry   On   April 5, 2014 at 3:45 pm

        Yes, I may have exaggerated a little bit for the story, but the intensity was genuine. And yes, I was, and still am a dork. 🙂 My wife called me silly after she listened to the story. I wholeheartedly agree.

      • Polly Anna   On   April 8, 2014 at 2:07 pm

        Man, ever since I listened to this podcast I’ve upped my coffee intake. I was on the down slide of my coffee consumption; I was getting over it. But since this podcast came out it’s made me feel so nostalgic toward it.

  2. sd   On   April 2, 2014 at 4:40 pm

    This is possibly my favorite podcast ever made in the history of podcasts. I have not laughed so hard in a very long time.
    I don’t drink alcohol (tried it, meh, over it) and I do not smoke, but coffee is my passion. I have a grinder, a fancy coffee maker, and several coffee mugs that are mine and mine alone. My family knows better than to grab one of my coffee mugs for a drink of water.
    The story is fun, resonating, and personal. Tom Perry is an excellent storyteller. But I want to give a huge shout out to the real hero of this tale: Tom’s wife.
    Wouldn’t this entire faith crisis journey thing be so much better if we all had someone like “Sister Perry” in our corner. What a lucky guy you are, Tom.
    PS More podcasts like this!

    • Tom Perry   On   April 4, 2014 at 4:12 am

      You are too kind sd. It was pretty cool that my wife was willing to talk about it. She is really great.

  3. Sherah   On   April 2, 2014 at 5:54 pm

    Been drinking coffee for a few years now, and I still get a rush from the sin. I mean, the caffeine is a rush. But as much as I love the caffeine rush, the taste, the smell (I like the taste even better than the smell), it’s the little FU to authority figures, to petty,controlling rules that’s the biggest rush. When I started drinking coffee was when I started to finally own myself, for the first time.

  4. LDSRevelations   On   April 2, 2014 at 7:58 pm

    Been doing coffee for a year or so now but can’t do black. Straight black is way too intense/bitter for my liking. I do love it with a little flavored creamer – french vanilla my fav— or some cream and sugar. Just enough to take the edge off.
    I’ve only done it at work so far cuz the TBM Mrs. isn’t down with it yet— but it helps me get going in my day and I love the flavor.
    Funny how coffee is such a big deal for LDS but is not for anyone else.

    • Tom Perry   On   April 4, 2014 at 4:19 am

      That is why I thought sharing this story would be so funny, because you are right, everyone outside of mormonism doesn’t think twice about coffee. Which is why I’m trying to play catch up with the rest of the world now.

  5. Charles   On   April 2, 2014 at 10:52 pm

    LOL. Such a funny guy you are, Tom. BTW, your wife has the greatest laugh ever! Infectious. Can you post some pics? JK. Was that weird? Sorry.
    Anyways, you can’t start black, brother! You gotta start with cream and sugar. It takes a few years to acquire the taste.

    • Tom Perry   On   April 4, 2014 at 4:17 am

      My wife does have a great laugh. I spend most of my free time just trying to make her laugh. I appreciate that. Yeah, I’m still slowly trying to ease into just black, but it still tastes like crap most of the time.

  6. JT   On   April 2, 2014 at 11:08 pm

    Homemade Cocoa-Joe is a good gateway to the hard brew.
    Start with a heaping tablespoon of Swiss Miss – tiny marsh’mos optional – in a half mug of … hell, anything! Folger’s crystals for Chrissake, it don’t matter at this point.
    Back-fill with hot water and scrounge together a disguise for your first sneak down aisle 6 – yeah, you know what I’m talkin’ bout. Satan’s aisle, that’s the smell – Oh yeah.
    Start by scoring nickel bags of Arabica – Mexican, Brazilian – start with a light roast and move to dark. Back off the Missy Swiss as you go. I was down to half a teaspoon in double dripped Chock Full O’ Nuts New York Roast by week 7 and was knocking it down straight by 9.
    But soon I needed something more. Ethiopian Robusta. Whoa! Great hit, but that forced me back to a pinch of cocoa – this time Cocoa-Via, dark, no sugar, $1.10 a packet (but the falvanoids support cardiovascular health!).
    Fast forward two years – I’ve lost my temple recommend, I’ve lost my faith … But I’ve also lost the annoying half of my family and a lot of weight!
    And better yet, I’m kickin’ ass on the commodities floor keeping it real doin’ shots of Death Wish espresso – A-L-L D-A-Y L-O-N-G.

    • Tom Perry   On   April 4, 2014 at 4:15 am

      Black as your soul. Nice. But you sir, are a manly man, so you have that going for you. 🙂

  7. DB   On   April 3, 2014 at 12:39 pm

    I feel like my creds are invalid too. I made the decision to not do coffee (don’t like it) or alcohol or smoke…just because I don’t want to. No religious reasons. When people ask me about it, I just don’t do it.
    I’m addicted to diet cola though.

  8. JT   On   April 3, 2014 at 4:49 pm

    I must confess. I am perhaps the biggest ex-Mormon coffee-wimp out there.
    In addition to sugar and creme, I also add a packet of hot chocolate mix. And not only that, I only drink it at work. I don’t have the courage to brew where I sleep.
    I am so ashamed. Is there anyone out there in the ex-Mormon community who could accept me notwithstanding this weakness (I won’t mention the others)? Or am I destined to be driven to
    and fro upon the face of the earth, and be hunted, and smitten, having no place for refuge?
    Perhaps there are others out there who are suffering as I am. Perhaps we can form a support group.

    • Tom Perry   On   April 4, 2014 at 4:14 am

      No kidding. I could use a coffee support group as well. If you find one, let me know and I’ll be one of the first to join.

  9. ed   On   April 4, 2014 at 4:52 pm

    Loved listening to this episode sipping my BLACK coffee on the way into work, reminiscing on my journey into this sweet goddess’s nectar: I also started with black and couldn’t handle my first cup, then I did the Mocha routine for about a month, bravely switching to coffee with 8 packets of sugar and creamer, eventually weaning myself to the good stuff. My TBM DW also bought me a coffee machine (Keurig*) and now I grind the darkest roast I can find. *I like the Keurig because I can do single cups, my DW her tea and my children their cocoa.
    I really liked the personal touch of this podcast and bringing in a voice that ‘helped’ you through this portion of your journey – thanks for sharing (and all the work you do on these podcasts).

    • Tom Perry   On   April 6, 2014 at 8:11 pm

      Thanks ed! I’ve tried the Keurig as well and I really like the ease of using it. So cool that your TBM wife bought you one!

  10. Aaron   On   April 5, 2014 at 11:25 pm

    I want to know what the electronic tune was at the end of the podcast.
    And Tom, I’m putting a label on you. Coffee-wuss.

      • Aaron   On   April 9, 2014 at 11:54 pm

        Thanks Tom. Great tune. Would have never guessed it was a Nine Inch Nails tune.
        Y’all have some great tunes. Would you mind putting the songs in each podcast on as meta-data tags or something like that?

      • Tom Perry   On   April 11, 2014 at 1:32 am

        That is a great idea. I’ll try to remember to do that from now on. But just to clarify, that specific tune was a fan created cover of a NIN song. A very very loose cover might I add. Sounds nothing like the original, in my opinion.

  11. Riley Ockerman   On   April 9, 2014 at 3:59 pm

    Great episode! As I was listening I kept thinking, “Just put some creamer in it. Put some damn creamer in it!” Reminded me so much of my slow decline into apostasy. Loved the Seinfeld sound bites at the end. I do a lot of networking and such for work now and ‘meeting for coffee’ is a great way to sit down with someone for a bit and chat. Keep up the good work!

  12. Allen   On   April 11, 2014 at 4:17 am

    I’ll have to admit that when I first saw the “Coffee” podcast on this website, I sighed and said: “Oh no, not an hour of Glenn & Randy talking about how great coffee is.”
    I reluctantly started listening anyway and was totally blown away because Tom is the perfect guy to talk about this subject. I laughed to an IOT podcast like I never had before.
    Kudos to your wife Tom, for having the courage to let you live authentically.
    “Coffee” is my favorite IOT podcast.

  13. Heather   On   September 21, 2014 at 1:33 am

    Coffee is the one thing I’ve embraced since resigning 5 years ago. I embraced it so much I opened up my own little coffee shop in a very TBM area.
    Coffee is more than a drink- it’s an experience which brings in ideas and conversation. I always enjoyed watching my customers talk over a latte or reconnect with a loved one over a chai.
    I would joke to my customers that coffee was a cheap antidepressant, or “happiness in a cup.” Maybe the church should rethink its stance on it, simple pleasures to keep the sheep happy. Or not…
    And I admit I can’t stand black coffee. Espresso is sweeter- if pulled right. There’s nothing like a prefect latté.
    Thanks for the pod cast. I really enjoyed it.

  14. Max   On   December 23, 2014 at 8:57 pm

    Just had my first cup a week or so ago. I can relate to feeling like you have to hide in the corner of a coffee shop with a black hoodie on since my wife is the only one who really knows about my disaffection right now. I went the instant cappuccino route and drink it at work sometimes.
    Can’t say I love the stuff, but like you I have always loved the smell and and enjoy the freedom of drinking it if I feel like it.

  15. StoneInTheHat   On   January 7, 2016 at 10:00 pm

    Using a french press to make my coffee is the only way I have found that allows me to take my coffee black. It allows me to really taste all the wonderfulness that can be found in coffee without any bitter taste.

  16. Orrin Dayne   On   April 15, 2016 at 4:52 pm

    In the end, coffee tastes like coffee. And coffee DOES taste like shit, you were right the first time, Tom!

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